How can I talk to him without starting a big fight?

It is true that you might not feel like bringing up something important to your partner as you don’t want to cause another huge argument. Perhaps you want to talk about something personal to get your message across or simply to make your partner aware that you are upset. However, you know how a talking to someone can turn into a huge argument so then back off.

After continually having arguments about certain communications it can leave you feeling stressed feeling overall. This can make you hide away your feelings to keep things peaceful. However, ignoring the issue after doesn’t help to solve any issues as it can lead to you feeling frustrated.

They course is not always bad though! When having these difficult conversations you can still avoid making it into an argument all together by choosing the right time to talk and practicing positive communication behaviours!

Here are 7 tips that will help you have better conversations without causing a massive argument.

Try talking at the right time

Choosing when to bring up something to your partner can be very important in order to avoid turning into a big argument. Try not to bring it up when they’re busy from work, overwhelmed and stressed or when they’re already upset.

Try to bring it up when you have both got time to relax and be private quiet.

What you might say is to begin with,

'Would you have some time to chat about something important with me?'

By doing this, your partner knows that they can get ready and are not surprised.

What you feel vs blaming

One of main reasons conversations with your partner turn into arguments is using blame.

Saying phrases like 'you never listen to me’ or ‘everything is difficult for you’. These can make your partner defensive.

Instead use messages that begin with how you are feeling depending on the situation.

'I am hurt’ or ‘I feel alone’ & ‘I would feel more relaxed’.

Using 'Feeling’ at the start will help you pass across your emotions in a less harsh matter.

Don’t bring up multiple issues

Sometimes when avoiding how you’re feeling due to the communication issues you can forget to put yourself first whilst trying to bring everything up in one go.

This will overwhelm both partners.

Refocus on what the issue is that you have with him bringing things up. Don’t mention how much of an issue he isn’t communicating from several months ago, simply talk about how you are feeling about it. Mention how important this issue is to you, only speak about the most crucial thing so you can move onto other problems later. When verifying yourself, you’re likely to feel less confused and more resolved!

Ensure you listen to your partners point of view

Healthy communication means making sure that you allow your partner to have their say too. If they have a different opinion to you ensure you don’t interrupt them. Ask questions regarding anything.

'I can see how you feel and yes I understand it’s different. Can you explain to me why you feel that way?'

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their point but makes you aware that you respect them and they can expect the same.

Do not talk about sensitive topics when angry.

When getting caught up within your emotions it can be hard to come up with the right words to say. You may end up saying things you don’t truly mean and cause your partner to get defensive.

If you feel the conversation is going in a heated direction simply pause for a few minutes.

'I don’t want it to get to a point where we’re hurting eachother through anger. Why don’t we take time to calm down and continue chatting at a later time?'

Try to keep this a healthy short pause, this does not mean ignoring the issue for longer, instead it’s best you try to come back to the topic.

Know what you require from your partner.

Sometimes arguments happen as partners can become confused regarding what they need to change.

For instance I might say I’m not happy but my partner might not understand if I need support regarding my emotions, more time together, help with any responsibilities or simply someone to listen.

Be clear and respectful when telling them what you require.

'Don’t you think you should change’ Turn it into what they can do to improve the situation.

'I would really appreciate if you could also make time to talk to me. Just a short time every evening without any distractions.'

Being clear will help both partners understand what you want to be changed positively.

Practice mutual respect.

Don’t keep quiet to avoid unnecessary arguments. You deserve to be able to tell them how you feel, ask questions & bring up any issues without being insulted.

They may have a different opinion but shouldn’t shout at you, make you feel humiliated, threaten you or try to take control.

Try to compliment your partner with the respect you expect. If arguments about communication continually become aggressive or hurtful then perhaps look into getting help from an experienced couple’s counsellor. If you ever feel unsafe then make sure you put your safety first and speak to someone you trust.

conclusion

Trying to avoid starting a huge argument when talking to your partner doesn’t mean you have to have perfect wording to say or avoid any awkward topics. Instead you should aim to create a healthier way of communicating.

Ensure they are spoken to at the right time, use non-blameful language regarding your feelings. By listening attentive to what they have to say and creating solutions.

You can’t control how someone will react but you can clearly and respectfully state how you’re feeling. Healthy relationships should mean that both partners can be open with what they’re saying without continually being worried they’ll cause an argument.

You deserve to have a relationship where any difficult conversations will help you understand each other and become positively changed!