Failure hurts. There is no way around it. Whether it is failing a test, losing a client, or getting rejected from a job, it feels bad. It makes you question yourself. Am I good enough? Should I even try again?
Every successful person you admire has failed. Many times. The difference between them and others is not that they never failed. The difference is how they responded to failure. Here is how you can deal with failure and bounce back even stronger.
Step one is to accept the feeling.
When you fail, it is okay to feel sad, angry, or disappointed. Do not pretend that you are fine if you are not. Give yourself 24 hours to feel bad. Talk to a friend. Write in a journal. Go for a walk.
Bottling up your emotions does not make them go away. Feeling them and letting them out is the first step to moving on.
Step two is to learn the lesson.
After you have felt your emotions, ask yourself one question: What can I learn from this? Every failure has a lesson inside it.
Did you fail a test? Maybe you need to change your study method. Did a client reject your proposal? Maybe you need to improve your portfolio. Did your business idea fail? Maybe the market was not ready.
Failure is feedback.
It is the universe telling you, this way did not work, try a different way. Thomas Edison said, I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work.
It is the universe telling you, this way did not work, try a different way. Thomas Edison said, I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work.
Step three is to not take it personally.
One failure does not mean you are a failure as a person. It means that one attempt did not work. You are not your result.
Separate who you are from what happened. Say to yourself, I failed at this project. Instead of, I am a failure. This small change in words makes a big difference in how you feel.
Step four is to take one small action again.
The worst thing you can do after a failure is to do nothing. Fear will tell you to quit. Do not listen to it.
Take one small step forward. If you failed to get a client, send one more proposal. If you failed a test, study for 30 minutes. Action creates momentum. Momentum kills fear.
Step five is to remember your past wins.
When you fail, your brain forgets all the times you succeeded. It only focuses on the bad thing. Fight back.
Make a list of 5 things you have achieved in the past. Maybe you learned a new skill. Maybe you helped a friend. Maybe you earned your first 10 dollars online. Read that list when you feel down. It will remind you that you are capable.
Let me give you two examples. J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, was rejected by 12 publishers before one said yes. Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because he "lacked imagination." They failed, but they kept going.
You will fail too. Everyone does. But failure is not the end. It is a step on the path to success.
The next time you fail, remember these 5 steps. Feel it, learn from it, do not take it personally, take action, and remember your wins.
You are not starting over. You are starting from experience. And that makes you stronger than before.
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