Long-Distance and Interracial Relationships Can Work w/ Love & Commitment

Long-Distance and Inracial Relationships: How to Make It Work and Work Well - Here are some stories

I might be standing on top of a mountain in New Zealand, 7,000 miles away from my husband, but I don’t think we’ve ever been happier or felt more in love. We laugh and giggle like newlyweds when I FaceTime him.

My husband Nick and I are no strangers to long-distance relationships. We learned how to make our long-distance relationship work by trial and error. We met in the Galapagos when I was living in New York and he in California. We didn't even live together before we got married. Three years into our marriage, with a one-year-old son, we’re still apart for work approximately a third of the time. The distance, the time apart, improves our bond. I prefer being given time to miss him, to realize why I wanted to be with him in the first place.
And I'm not the only one. I hear about successful long-distance relationships all the time. Some of the happiest couples I know are in long-distance relationships some or all the time. Most experts believe it is actually beneficial for a relationship to start when two people live in different cities.
“The common wisdom is that if the couple is apart, the honeymoon phase lasts longer when people meet and fall in love,” said Dr. Phillip Lee and Dr. Diane Rudolph, co-heads of Couples Therapy at Weill Cornell Medicine.
“There is a risk of decreasing affection eventually, and for those who are beyond the infatuation phase there is a bigger risk of separation, but also a bigger potential benefit,” adds Lee.

The statistics on long-distance partnerships are promising. Research in the Journal of Communication in 2013 found that about three million Americans live apart from their spouse at some point during their marriage and that 75% of college students have had a long-distance relationship at one time or another. Research has even found that long-distance couples tend to have the same or greater satisfaction in their relationships than couples who are geographically close, and higher levels of commitment to their relationships and fewer emotions of being trapped.

“One of the biggest upsides is that you get to do a lot more talking and learning about each other because you’re spending more time in conversation than you might if you were sitting side-by-side watching Netflix, or out running errands or doing activities together,” says Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships.

Plus, there’s the benefit of developing your own friendships and interests, so you’re a more fascinating person and have more to add to the relationship. “You have more alone time than people who live in the same city do, so you’re really excited to see each other and really appreciate the time you do spend together,” adds Gottlieb.
Long-distance relationship troubles are not unheard of, but if two individuals want to make it work, the future is not hopeless. We asked experts for advice on how to handle some of the challenges of loving someone from afar, and for recommendations on long-distance relationships.