Signs of Toxic Family Dynamics and How to Protect Your Relationship

A loving and supportive family should be a place of happiness, but toxic family dynamics can harm your relationship. Many couples face issues not due to them not loving each other, but due to a lot of conflict caused by outside influences from their family. Therefore knowing what to look out for is the first step to saving your relationship!

What Are Family Dynamics?

Toxic family dynamics are negative behaviours that can affect the emotions, cause stress and lead to conflicts. They often occur across different generations and are seen as ‘normal’ behaviour unless you dig deeper. This does not mean your family is bad, however whilst some care needs to be taken with certain behaviours.

7 Signs Of Toxic Family Dynamics That Can Harm Your Relationship

1. No Boundaries

Toxic family members often do not respect your boundaries. They may turn up without warning, incessantly contact you, try to make decisions for you or want full details of your relationship. If your family get angry when you tell them ‘we need space’, this could indicate a toxic family member.

2. Always Putting Down

Do your family always put your partner down? Whether it be about their job, looks, cooking or parenting skills, they could constantly be making comments like “He will never be good enough” or “She’s so controlling.”

3. Invasive & Guilt Tripping

Comments such as “If you really loved us you would be here every weekend” or “After everything we’ve done for you!” will make you feel guilty. In healthy relationships everyone respects your decisions. Toxic families will make you feel guilty about your choice to be with your partner.

4. Favouritism & Creating Conflict

Some families create conflict by trying to create jealousy between siblings, partners or cousins. whilst praising one partner they may criticise the other or try to make your partner feel like they don’t belong.

5. Gossiping & Going Behind Your Back to Create Conflict

Toxic family members will go behind your back and gossip. They may also act like messengers or push you to take sides during arguments. This can create lots of family drama which can be brought straight into your home. Often creating awkward situations for your partner.

6. Ignoring Your Relationship

If your family don’t recognise your partner, exclude then from invites or plan things that don’t include your relationship, they aren’t respecting your commitment. You should be seen as a team.

7. Being Inconsistent & Moody

Having to walk on egg shells around people who blow up, give the cold shoulder or are moody can be tiring! This can cause stress and often lead to arguments with your partner.

How To Save Your Relationship

1. Acknowledge The Issue As A Team

Have a calm discussion with your partner. Using statements such as “I feel stressed when…” will help you to see this as a team issue and will stop it becoming an argument between your families.

2. Set Boundaries As A Team

Decide together what you are and aren’t going to do. E.g “We will see family on Sundays but Saturdays are for us.” Or “We won’t talk about our finances with family.” Setting these boundaries isn’t being rude. They are healthy!