Tips for Balancing Parenting and Romance in Busy Couples Lives

A lot of busy couples can feel drained, detached and guilty as having a baby can take up so much of your time. However, you don't have to choose between being a great parent or partner. With the right strategy you can have both!

Why your relationship can suffer after having kids

Before having kids you would have had plenty of time, energy and privacy. Now you're split between taking them to school, getting homework done, cooking, going to work and cleaning. By the time you get to the evenings you're both exhausted! A lot of couples feel that you need to do extravagant things to keep your relationship going but really it's about little moments.

7 Top Tips

• 1. Set aside time

Just as you set aside time for your children to go to soccer practice, the doctors and school meetings, you should set aside time for your marriage. Add 'Date Night' to your family calendar. This helps your children understand that you value your time together. You don't need to go out, you could have a date at home once the kids are asleep. Have a cup of tea and no phones.

• 2. 15 Minute Check In

You don't need 2 hours, just 15 minutes of quality time. Once the kids are asleep sit down together and there are no mobiles. Ask each other 'What was the best thing about your day?' and 'What was difficult about your day?' This little routine will help you stay connected.

• 3. Teamwork

A lot of arguments happen because one person feels like they're alone. Be clear with who is doing what. Maybe one parent takes the kids to school in the mornings and the other reads them a bedtime story. If both of you feel supported then you'll have less anger and more energy to spend on your relationship. Thank them often! 'Thanks for making lunch'.

• 4. Little touches

When you have kids it can be difficult to have long cuddles or conversations. Try little touches. Hold hands whilst they play, give each other a 10 second cuddle when they come home and a quick kiss in the kitchen. This will make your brain release happy hormones and remind you that you are a couple.

• 5. Use the time after they go to bed

An hour after they've gone to sleep can be a great time to spend together. Don't waste it by scrolling on your phone or watching TV in separate rooms. Set a rule that the first half an hour is for you and the other half an hour is for you to use your phone/do work. Have a coffee, chat, listen to some music or just sit close. This will become something you look forward to doing.

• 6. Cheap and easy dates at home

You don't need to pay for someone to look after the kids. Movie night - Popcorn and watch a movie in the living room once the kids are asleep. Cook together. Play a card game or Ludo. Look through old wedding photos. The kids will see that you like each other and feel more secure.

• 7. Have some privacy

Sometimes it's okay to say no to extra people, work or family events. Your family needs your energy! It also teaches the kids about boundaries. They can learn that it's okay for you to have 20 minutes alone. Shut your bedroom door so you can have some private time. This is healthy!

Final Thoughts

Some days you might be 90% parents and 10% partners and others 50/50 but as long as you're trying to make it work it'll be fine. A happy couple makes a happy family! The kids will learn how to truly love each other by seeing their parents respect and love each other.

Start small today. Have one date planned, one long cuddle and 15 minutes of no phone time tonight.