How the stories you tell yourself about the past keep shaping your present,

Every single human has a story from their past and each reminiscence means something to them. Whether they are happy memories or painful moments, the way we perceive them can have an impact on the way we think, feel and act in our current lives. Interestingly, it does not necessarily have to be the event itself that affects us but instead the story we continue to tell.

Whilst your past will shape who you are, it should not restrict our future. Being aware of how your memories affect your current life can help you create a healthier mindset.

The Past Shapes the Way We See Ourselves

Throughout your life your experiences have developed and shaped your self perception. For example, if you had a lot of negative feedback in your childhood then you may believe yourself to never be good enough. Even if later on in life you became very skilled and successful, you may continue to doubt your capabilities.

If you failed an important exam, you may consider yourself to lack intelligence and not be capable of reaching your goals. Therefore, you may shy away from new opportunities.

However, just because you had one bad experience does not define your capabilities as a person. Everyone has the potential to learn and improve so, very importantly, you must learn to put your past experiences into perspective.

Unnecessary Fear due to Negative Memories

If we have gone through painful events it can cause us to feel some negative emotions. If you were betrayed by someone you may find it harder to trust others. Likewise, if you were turned down, you may fear to share your feelings or ideas.

Although this is natural, continuously expecting the worst can limit us from enjoying new experiences.

Avoiding forming any new friendships may make you feel lonely. Similarly, not applying for a job place due to being turned down before can mean that you miss out on a valuable career opportunity.

Instead of letting past fears impact your current decisions, you should understand that everybody will react differently to different situations and people. Not everyone will hurt you and not every attempt will be a failure.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves Influence Our Decisions

Your thoughts and stories will impact your decisions greatly. Through continually reaffirming negative phrases like ‘I’m unlucky’, ‘I’m a failure’ and ‘I’m incompetent’ we can begin to truly act like this.

Give two people the same setback in their career, one would think ‘why try again, I’m always failing’ and the other, ‘I have learnt what I need to improve’. Whilst both individuals had a disappointing experience, the different interpretations will impact them differently.

The first individual may give up on their goals however, the latter will be motivated to gain new skills.

Therefore, you can understand the importance of changing your perspective. Whilst we cannot always change what happens to us, we can gradually begin to change the way we view our experiences.

Learning to Forgive Yourself

Often the main reason people hold onto their past is due to regrets. Regrets occur because we know we made the wrong decision, missed an opportunity or made a mistake that impacted others.

Sometimes regrets can give us valuable lessons; however, constantly punishing yourself won’t change the outcome. Instead, it will affect how you feel in your present.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean making excuses and pretending you didn’t make any mistakes. Ultimately, it means recognising we are not perfect, understanding what your actions caused and making a true effort to do better.

Everybody makes mistakes because no one knows everything and has perfect judgements. However, you can learn from making mistakes and become more considerate.

Creating a Healthier Story for the Future

Changing the way you view your past requires patience and consistently working on it. It will not happen overnight, especially as some memories are connected to us emotionally.

A great habit to get into is thinking about what you learnt from a challenging experience. Rather than focussing on what went wrong, think about how strong, knowledgeable and understanding you became.

Another great habit to get into is practising gratitude. By focussing on the positive things in your current life it can create a balance.

Spending time with positive people, setting realistic goals and learning new skills can help with creating a more positive attitude. Most importantly, let yourself grow beyond your past expectations and labels.

Conclusion

Your past will always be an important part of your personal journey; however, it does not have to define you in your present or future. The stories you tell yourself about your past experiences will impact your confidence, relationships, decisions and understanding of life.

By changing your negative beliefs, forgiving yourself, learning from mistakes and becoming aware of your personal growth, you can create a healthier relationship with your memories.

Although we can’t change our past, we can decide how we want to react to it in our present. Sometimes the most important change in our life will happen when we stop seeing ourselves as victims of our past and become aware that we still have control to create a better future.